Oliver Battershall

Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970) 3.5/5
I’m actually quite fond of this very maligned sequel to one of the greatest early sci-fi movies. The first half is a bit of a slog and hits the exact same beats that the first movie had explored much more powerfully and memorably, which makes a lot of this feel like deleted scenes from the original (even down to the main character looking so much like Taylor). But then it decides to become its own thing and shows a much more brazen and explicit commentary than the original on the function of religion and racism in society. It soon veers into something pretty barmy and results in a crazy ending I’d say is just as memorable as its predecessor’s. By no means as nuanced or important as the original but old movies that go completely unsubtle and unsophisticated with their social commentary are a bit of a guilty pleasure for me.

Rap World (2024) 4/5
An instant classic, Conner O’Malley is one of the best current comedians out there and his powers of parody are unrivalled. This is absolutely hilarious (especially those last ten minutes) and captures a certain kind of person in this specific point in time so perfectly that it’s actually kind of poignant. So many of us went to school with people like these and you do wonder what became of them.

Starman (1984) 4/5
You know John Carpenter, that guy who does the body horror, and the suspense thrillers, and the gangs of mysterious enemies stalking a kickass action hero? Well in 1984 I guess he thought sod that, I’m doing a Spielberg thing now. (Then I’m guessing he got bored of that because his next film is Big Trouble in Little China). Jeff Bridges gets the alien speech and mannerisms spot on and is so charming and funny. Alongside him is Karen Allen whose presence is just so radiant and full of wonderment in that way that only 80s actresses seem to nail. There’s no shortage of sci-fi where an alien comes to Earth and moans at us for how badly we’ve cocked everything up, but a movie where an alien can do that but still find a new appreciation of worldly things like love will always feel more special to me, even if it is almost as clichéd.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) 3/5
I really enjoyed the first Austin Powers movie, it embodied the spirit of camp by showing that anything, even dated Carry On style humour can be funny if you go over the top with it. This I wasn’t as enthusiastic about. Parody films are hard to pull off since each character is just one or two clichés amplified to comedic effect which takes work to keep interesting for 90 minutes. So a sequel with almost all the same characters (with respect as always to Mini Me) was never going to feel as fresh. I like that they know Dr. Evil should be front and centre, because he’s the highlight of this. Generally though the laughs were fewer and further between, and I found myself checking how much longer was left a couple of times which is never a good sign for a light and breezy comedy.

The Killer (2023) 4/5
I’ve seen some say that this was too slow for their liking but I thought this was one of the movie’s real strengths. Being a hitman isn’t just high octane John Wick antics, you have loads of time between kills to do things like eat McMuffins without the bun or listen to The Smiths. I’d go a step further and say a three hour hitman movie by Chantal Akerman with maybe one actual kill would be the best, it’d really sort the wheat from the chaff of cinephiles. The screenplay, especially Fassbender’s bits wasn’t the best at times, with a lot of his narration just sounding like someone typed “Give me 250 cool hitman one-liners” into ChatGPT. But I still really enjoyed this, it’s slick and stylish but has a grit to it.

Vision Quest (1985) 2.5/5
It should be illegal to name a movie something that sounds like a cool arcade cabinet that ends up just being a pretty bland and slightly bizarre high school romance. This is very 80s, down to the slightly problematic juvenile attitudes towards sex and the synthy soundtrack (complete with a Madonna original song and cameo). It’s always fun to see a future star in some tiny ensemble role really early in their career, in this case it’s a pre-Platoon Forest Whittaker. Overall this is a pretty strange one with scarcely likeable characters and some slightly incongruous moments of existentialism, but I didn’t mind that final fight.

The Baader Meinhof Complex (2008) 4/5
This historical thriller about the Red Army Faction in Germany is kind of like a classic heist movie where plans slowly go awry, but in a longer timeframe. For those like me who had no knowledge of the group going in, it doesn’t act well as a historical relic since it doesn’t concern itself with delving deep into characters’ motivations and ideologies. As an entertaining political action thriller though, it definitely does its job. I’m still yet to see a film other than Paradise Now that truly nails a depiction of terrorists.